And 2018 left much
like it came in - with a feeling like nothing is going the way I want it to.
The lump in my throat was coming out as tears. Even my computer was having
sympathy pains . . . it didn’t freeze up but it became v-e-r-y slow and Fred
has abandoned me. He's not here to help me! He's always been there to help me
and make things better!
Yes, I do miss him
desperately!
Even before I saw
the crematorium folks, I dove into an inextinguishable state of over activity
and doing on the paperwork.
Fred was special
to me but I guess he was special to others as well. Apparently, the Condo had
a minute of silence for him and so many folks expressed their sympathies!
By the time my
nephew, Luke, came down from Calgary four days later, I was well entrenched in
“getting all my ducks in order” and I didn’t even know what that meant –
a whirlwind of activity with no particular direction or plan of action – no
order.
Luke and I took
Fred out to his favourite restaurant for lunch; although we left him in the car
we ordered his favourite meal and devoted it to his memory.
I appreciated having Luke with me during those first few days. There were lots of things to be done but I really didn’t know what. He dug in and helped!!
Friends came into Lethbridge
Each day I
discover just how sick Fred had been. I went into his computer - Holy crap!!
One thing on top of another - didn't make any sense at all. That so-o-o wasn't
like him. And he tried so hard to keep up his side of the fight.
I got lots of offers to help: some well intended and others well intended to capitalize on the trauma
of grief and loss . . . Ah-h-h the vampires have not vanished.
I never realized
just how much Fred did that I didn’t pay any attention to – like buying
on-line; like paying certain bills; like knowing where I left things! It felt
like we were two parts of the whole – without both parts the whole didn’t work.
I didn't even know who I was or even who I used to be – over 48 years together
– 15 years on the road – our individual identities became blurred.
Moving On – Never
Ending
My road with
Alberta Health Services continues.
For a Service that
professes to be Patient-centered, the patient/family presence seemed to be left
out of the equation.
Ø
I’m
working with the Quality Council for this zone trying to reinforce that the
patient/family relationship needs to be a part of everything they do.
Ø
I’m
doing facility visits with a staff consultant (Engagement and Patient Experience) to
monitor how/if they are including families in their work.
Ø
But
the most exciting work has been producing a training digital story video about
part of our experience. Good Surgery . .. Tough Recovery is slated to use in
staff training.
I’m going to keep
travelling.
Ø
In
less than a month I am going on an educational
program to Costa Rica with Road Scholar (used to be Elder Hostel)
And Life Goes On
